You Can’t Build a Bridge With a Blowtorch

There’s a lot of anger right now—righteous anger—toward Republicans who continue to support Trump. I get it. I feel it too.

But politics is zero sum. You either win or you lose. And if we want to win—for democracy, for justice, for our kids—we have to stop trying to shame people into changing. It doesn’t work. It never has.

What I’ve learned—sometimes the hard way—is that judgment doesn’t open hearts. It closes them. You can’t hate someone into agreement. And you can’t scream someone out of a cult.

In The Art of Possibility, Ben and Roz Zander talk about the idea of “giving an A.” Not because the person deserves it, but because you deserve peace. It’s about choosing to see people not for what they’ve done in the past, but for the possibility of who they could become—if given the chance.

I’ve had to use that mindset in my own life, with people who hurt me deeply. And no, it didn’t fix them. But it freed me. It helped me show up as the parent and grandparent I wanted to be—without carrying the poison of resentment everywhere I went.

Because here’s the truth: You’ll never get support from someone while calling them irredeemable.

And let’s be honest—spending all your energy attacking Republicans, mocking them, and roasting them online might feel good in the moment, but it doesn’t change them. It changes you. It’s like drinking poison and hoping they suffer. The only one who ends up hurt is you.

If we want to save this country, we’re going to need allies—some of whom voted very differently than we did. And if there’s even a crack in their loyalty to Trump, that’s where we plant seeds.

With courage. With clarity. Without hate.