What Would Jimmy Kimmel Do? #WWJKD

They suspended Jimmy Kimmel for saying what everybody else is already thinking. Apparently the First Amendment is now just the First Suggestion — brought to you by the same people who think the Second Amendment is sacred scripture.

My subscribers are already dropping like flies on Substack, and I’m pretty sure I’m being shadowbanned — so if I yell “fuck you, Trump” on here, do I get banished to Bluesky or “GASP,” Facebook with the other boomers?

And here’s the irony: his initials are literally JK — “just kidding” — and ABC fires him for… just kidding. That’s like firing Ronald McDonald for clowning around.

Okay, maybe the Oscars “past your jail time” line at Trump was a little insensitive, but it was funny AF. If that’s grounds for canceling a guy, then John Oliver would be in witness protection.

ABC says Jimmy was “offensive.” This from a network that aired The Bachelor for twenty-eight seasons. Offensive? Have you seen a rose ceremony sober? It’s basically a hostage situation with flowers.

Trump, of course, is loving this. He says Jimmy’s finished. Yeah, right — Trump predicting careers is like Trump predicting hurricanes. This is the guy who thought Sharpie maps were meteorology — the only man who could lose to a hurricane on paper.

And ABC pretending they’re shocked by Jimmy is rich. This is the same network that kept The View on the air through seventeen co-host divorces and a fistfight over Meghan McCain. At this point, that’s basically The Hunger Games with coffee mugs.

Trump calls Jimmy a “loser.” Which, let’s be honest, is like Mike Lindell calling someone bad with pillows. The man bankrupted a casino — that’s basically a license to print money. If he says you’re done, you’re probably just getting started.

So what would Jimmy Kimmel do? #WWJKD

He’d grin and say something like: Hey, Trumple-Thin-Skin and ABC — suspending a comedian doesn’t cancel the joke, it just makes the punchline louder. And this joke isn’t over, it’s just getting started.