Trump’s To-Do List: Apocalypse Edition
June 18, 2025
By Joyce M. Strong
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When your presidency is unraveling, the best thing to do is: light a match. Or several.
Donald Trump, bloated with grievance and possibly stimulants, seems to have woken up today with a checklist scribbled on the back of a subpoena. His priorities? Unhinged, narcissistic, and deeply dangerous.
Here’s what’s likely pinned to the Resolute Desk today:
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✅ Win a Nobel Prize
By force, if necessary.
Trump still can’t get over the fact that Obama has one and he doesn’t. Today, he floated that “erecting flagpoles” might count as peacemaking.
He’s already claimed he prevented wars between India and Pakistan, North and South Korea, Russia and Ukraine, God and Satan.
None of them agree.
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✅ Bomb Iran
Because nothing says “peace” like airstrikes.
With Netanyahu cheering from the sidelines and Putin counting the spoils, Trump wants to look tough while distracting from his crumbling regime. Bonus: it makes gas prices spike just in time for oil investor friends to cash in.
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✅ Appoint Himself Fed Chairman
Yes. Himself.
Trump suggested replacing Jerome Powell with Trump.
Forget independence. Forget economics. Trump just wants to control the interest rate the same way he controls the truth: badly and for personal gain.
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✅ Fire Tulsi Gabbard
She showed a flicker of conscience, so naturally—she’s out.
Despite appointing her DNI, Trump now calls her “unstable” for warning against nuclear war. In MAGA world, sanity is treason.
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✅ Flatter Mark Carney
A sudden and suspicious pivot.
Once a punching bag, Carney is now Trump’s new best friend. After G7, Trump started cooing about the former Bank of England chief like a man who desperately needs a loan. Whatever Carney has—Trump wants.
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✅ Confess to Crimes Mid-Flagpole Ceremony
This morning’s episode featured rambling about “unconditional surrender” while raising metal poles like victory totems.
It wasn’t a speech. It was a symptom.
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✅ Snort, Swagger, Gaslight, Repeat
We’re not doctors—but the nose doesn’t lie.
The dilated pupils, manic speech, sweating, the wild mood swings.
If it walks like a duck and quacks like it’s high—it probably needs a drug test.
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✅ Praise a Dictator
Always on-brand.
Whether it’s Putin, MBS, Orban, or Bibi, Trump can’t resist a strongman. Especially one who can wire money, lend planes, or hand him a sword.
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✅ Blame Biden for the Apocalypse
Still.
Even from inside the White House, Trump rages about 2020. The man who “won” twice can’t stop talking about the time he “lost.” It’s less strategy, more obsession. Classic abuser behavior.
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Coming Soon:
• Pardon P. Diddy
• Nationalize Starlink
• Outlaw empathy
• Launch Trump-branded crypto for disaster zones
• Rename Juneteenth “Trump Freedom Day” and take credit for ending slavery
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Final Thought
This is not normal.
This is not policy.
This is a to-do list for tyranny, scribbled by a man who thinks attention equals achievement.
We can’t wait for the next press cycle. Or the next war. Or the next “flagpole.”
The time to say no was yesterday. The time to stop him is now.
