10 Surprisingly Therapeutic Things to Do with Your Old MAGA Hat

Let’s say you—or someone you love—has recently experienced a political awakening. The slogans don’t hit the same. The red doesn’t feel ironic anymore. And that MAGA hat? It’s sitting in the back of your closet like a tiny, cotton-based cry for help.

Don’t worry. You don’t have to burn it (unless you want to).

Here are ten alternative ways to recycle, repurpose, or emotionally exorcise it:

1. Compost It

It’s already full of crap—why not let it return to the earth from whence it came?

2. Dog Toy

Finally, your pet can do what you’ve been fantasizing about since the second impeachment.

3. Emergency Oil Rag

Absorbs toxic sludge just as easily as it absorbed bad takes.

4. Coaster for Sad Beers

Perfect for late-night regrets and microwave nachos. Soaks up shame and condensation.

5. Stuff It with Regret, Mail It to Mar-a-Lago

Include a note: “Beliefs no longer supported. Please remove from rotation.”

6. Turn It Into a Planter

Add soil, drop in some basil seeds, and grow something that actually contributes to society—like seasoning.

7. Rebrand It

Stitch over the letters to say “MAKE ACCOUNTABILITY GREAT AGAIN.”

Watch as people squint and then look away in discomfort. It’s healing.

8. Emotional Support Oven Mitt

Useful for handling hot topics and things that should’ve never been left unattended in the first place.

9. Donate to a Museum of National Embarrassment

Right between the bleach-injection press conference and Rudy’s hair dye meltdown.

10. Burn It—in Performance Art

Light it ceremonially while reading the Constitution aloud. Bonus points if you wear a cape and cry a little.

Redemption is a process. Letting go is an act of patriotism.

And sometimes, healing starts with a lighter and a lemon tree in a hat.

See you at the next bonfire.